What Everybody has to Do on The Day
Do you really know who says what and when? In this
Bride Talk we look who is involved and what they should
all be doing, both in preparation and on The Day.
Consider your key players and their roles: Bride, Groom,
Bride’s father, Best Man, Maid of Honour/Chief
Bridesmaid, Bridesmaids, Pageboys and Ushers.
Choose your team carefully; consider who will be happy
to stand and give a reading at the ceremony or a speech
afterwards. Who will be good at it and who just
can’t do it? Remember that speaking to an
audience is one of the hardest tasks, and one that many
people dread.
As you think about this, listen for hints from potential
supporters before you ask them formally. There
are those that ought to be asked but they may dread it,
and those that you would like to ask but daren’t
for risk of offending the earlier group! Think
about who would really like to be given the honour and
will enjoy it. Ask potential candidates how they feel
about speaking in public, but be subtle! Do they
want to be given the opportunity to say a few words? Weddings
can be a bit daunting if a person is shy and yet is on
the list to give a speech, so don‘t “inflict”
your day on those that would rather just join in quietly
with the celebration.
So what does everyone actually have to do?
The Bride
Apart from organising the whole thing beforehand, which
often happens, this is your day to look lovely, make
a few promises and chill out! After the honeymoon is
over, Thankyou’s need to be written and posted,
so be sure to keep a list of which distant aunt gave
you that decanter, and put it somewhere safe so that
it hasn’t vanished when you return from your honeymoon.
The Groom
Turn up! Stay sober and keep away from the football
results. Thank the bride’s parents, especially
her dad for letting you have your evil way with his daughter!
Remember to book the honeymoon! It is fun to make
the honeymoon location a surprise, but make sure that
it is a pleasant surprise and not a nasty shock! Make
sure also that if you do keep it a surprise, your bride
has been given enough information to know what to pack. She
won’t thank you to discover that she’s back-packing
in the Himalayas in high heels and that little black
cocktail number.
The Bride’s Father
Whether a Dad or a Surrogate Dad, your job is to get
the Bride to the church on time, walk her up the aisle
and formally give her hand to the Groom at the ceremony.
Say nice things to the guests at the reception and
generally sigh with relief as that is another one off
your hands as you Toast the Bride and Groom.
The Best Man
Your role is essentially to support the Groom, make
sure he turns up on time, keep the ring(s) safe until
placed on fingers, and make a pass at the Chief Bridesmaid.
It is up to you to pay the vicar and all church fees
before the ceremony on behalf of the Groom, so that he
doesn’t have to worry about it. Also it is an opportunity
to embarrass the Groom with tales of yore and outline
any nasty habits that will need to be stopped as the
pair set off on honeymoon. Make all announcements, read
out any cards sent to the reception, Toast the Bridesmaids
and tell the Bride’s Mum that she looks lovely.
Thank the Groom’s parents; after all they are probably
paying for half! Hand out flower bouquets to both
Mums.
Ensure all male attendant outfits are returned to the
hirers in good time.
For assistance with your speech there are lots of good
books available. Rather than buy on the Internet,
this is probably one occasion when it is worth going
to a large bookshop and having a browse, so that you
can select the genuinely witty speech guides from the
corny ones.
The Chief Bridesmaid
You are the bearer of flowers. You are checking
that button holes arrive and are given out correctly,
that the bride’s bouquet is alive and kicking,
that the parental Thankyou bouquets are delivered to
the reception venue, and that all other bridesmaids are
suitably turned out. Dress the bride, checking
that she has everything she needs to prepare herself
and keeping all irritation well away; for instance ensuring
that early-rising guests have not taken all the hot water! The
bride may well need help to get into her wedding dress,
so be on hand. Check out the wedding dress beforehand
because some of them have strange fastenings so it’s
good not to discover that on The Day.
Ensure that afterwards the bride’s gown is sent
for dry cleaning, so that it is ready to send to Ribbons
and Pearls for some cash back!
Bridesmaids
Dress in whatever the bride wants you in, without sarcasm
or tantrums. It’s her day! Follow the bride
and do everything that the chief bridesmaid asks you
to do.
Pageboys
Try not to step on the Bride’s dress and make
sure you stay clean until after the photographs.
Remember that you are going to be in these pictures forever
so you might as well look smart. Do not pull silly
faces in the photographs or put “rabbits ears fingers” up
behind the the other guests because you will regret it
by the time you are grown up! And lastly, do not
ruin your beautiful hired pageboy suits by playing football
in them out the back while everyone else is listening
to the speeches in unknowing bliss.
Ushers
Make sure that everyone knows where to park their cars
at the ceremony and at the reception. This means careful
thought and planning beforehand if there is likely to
be a problem.
Hand out Orders of Service and buttonholes. Make
sure that no-one crams into the two front rows, because
they must be reserved for the wedding party to sit down
in during the ceremony. Make sure that everyone
knows where the loos are. Give a reading at the ceremony
if you would like to; escort any howling children out
of the ceremony and into a strait-jacket. Show
guests to their seats at the reception.
Of course you can have many or few attendants on the
day, according to your preference. As long as there
are a couple of people to witness the deed, all will
be legal.
Order of Speeches
At the Wedding Ceremony, readings can be given by family
or friends as well as the formal ceremony given by the
Registrar or Religious Leader.
Then comes the Reception, with speeches in the following
order:
- Bride’s father – Look after her or I
will kill you
- Groom – Thanks for letting me have her
- Best Man – There is a little something I
think you should know…
- Groom’s Father – he’s a nice
boy really and thanks for taking him off our hands!
The Best Man then reads any cards and messages and
outlines the Reception structure; for example, if any
entertainment is booked or if an evening “do” is
planned.
Wherever you decide to hold the Ceremony there are
certain legal formalities that have to occur before the
wedding can take place. Once you have set a date and
booked the venue, be it a church, a hotel or other venue
licensed for marriages, you must visit your local Registry
Office to inform them of your intention to marry. If
both parties live in the same district, then notice has
to be given by both the Bride and the Groom in person
to the same office. If two separate districts are
involved, then notice has to be given by both people
in person at each District Office. You have to take proof
of identity, such as a passport, and attend in person.
Phone first to make sure you have the right Registry
Office and to book an appointment and work out where
it is.
If you are planning a civil service, the venue has
to have a valid license for the awarding of marriages.
A venue that is unlicensed can apply for one, but this
may take many months to obtain. Such an application
must be submitted to the Local Authority by the owner
of the property or the trustee, not by the couple to
be married. The property must be regularly open
to the public, so stately homes, hotels and civic buildings
are generally thought to be suitable, but private homes
are unlikely to be approved. Approval will not be given
for open-air venues, so a moonlit beach or a golf course
will not be licensed here. The premises have to be permanently
constructed, so a moored boat may be possible but a moving
one is not. Hot-air balloons or aeroplanes will not be
approved! A list of approved places can be found at your
local town hall.
The Reception
Traditionally, wedding guests should come in to the
reception venue after the bridal party. They can then
be greeted individually as they walk in and then allowed
to circulate before being seated for the banquet. Be
sure that in poor weather conditions people are not queuing
up in the rain to get in! Make a mental note to
go and have a chat later to those people you haven't
seen for absolutely ages, because it's a shame to get
to the end of the day and then think of it too late.
Once seated it is up to the Best Man or the Toastmaster
to settle everyone down and tell everyone the order of
the day. It is usual to eat without further preamble
so that no-one collapses from starvation - remember that
there will be guests that got up very early to attend.
After pudding and while coffees are being served, it
is usual for the Best Man to start the proceedings with
a call to attention and an introduction to the Bride's
Father to say a few words, who will be followed by the
Best Man himself and then the Groom.
Everyone can then relax and celebrate until the Bride
and Groom leave, when they are waved off amid shouts
of encouragement as they head for the marital chamber.
And that is all there is too it!
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